Habergeon

A Letter to my Younger Self

By: Laura Bunn, Triangle Market President at Capital Bank Dear Laura, As you embark on adulthood, know this – there is more joy in store for you than you can ever imagine.  This joy is woven with threads of hard work, failure, success, sadness, love, loss, fear, courage, understanding, forgiveness, challenge, opportunity and faith.

Career

nYou aspire to do meaningful work and those first few years of cold calling and learning how to underwrite credit will feel futile.  Keep going.  You are on to something. You will cry a few times at work.  Embarrassing, I know.  The culprit is the feeling of failure when you make a mistake.  It’s amazing what you can correct when you are self-aware. When things are not working, own your part and change it.  Take risks – be courageous and willing to fail. Co-workers will become friends/family.  Embrace these wonderful people and make time to get to know them. Fear not, your work will matter.

Family

You aspire to be a great mom.  Lack of sleep, sickness and cluelessness will bring you to your knees.  Keep going. There will be plenty of children (2 by birth and 3 bonus – that’s right my friend, 5).  Clearly there’s sadness mixed into your story but you will survive. You will be jealous of stay-at-home moms, even though you will be thrilled to have somewhere else to go.  You will feel like a mediocre mother.  You will forget picture day, you will miss out on field trips and being the mystery reader at school.   Do not be jealous.  Respect and appreciate every mom’s choice (or lack of choice) and know that everyone is wrestling life.  Friend, drop this.  You will be a great mom. Your career will afford you the opportunity to splurge on things.  Treat yourself but know this…material things can be fun but “take your breath away joy” will come when your competitive, sports-loving daughter scores her first soccer goal and your brave, talented daughter sings a solo in an auditorium full of her peers. One of the benefits of having a big tribe of kids is that you will learn that “they are who they are” and your most impactful opportunity is to get to know them and build them up.  Do not let a day close without telling them how lucky you are to know them. You will be married to your best friend. Nurture this relationship.  Let go of being right.  Be thankful even when he’s wrong….he will be and so will you.

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Friends

nYou have always had strong attachments to friends. Amazing relationships await you.  People will be there through personal and professional highs and lows.  You will not walk your path.  You will be carried on the shoulders of incredible friends. So be a friend – listen, be there, forgive imperfection.  Celebrate their successes, especially when things aren’t going as well for you.  Tell them often that no matter what, you are on their side. I’ll close with a little bit of everything… Say thank you. Meditate. Be a light and stand up for others. Be patient – and when you are not – take a deep breath and try again. Stop worrying about what other people think – it is not about them. At your core you believe life should be fair.  Friend, it is not.  Do not let the injustice of the world jade you. Accept feedback with an open heart and mind.  You will encounter so many people that really want to help you.  Embrace the sting and learn from it. Control – there is very little, so lighten up.  Let go of that blueprint you drafted long ago. You are too hard on yourself.  Life is hard. Be kind to yourself. Laura, when you embrace imperfection, faith and love, then joy is yours for the taking. Love, Laura